Death, wandering thought, and the past.

I stare at the blank slate wondering what I should enter into the void existence. I wonder what would be a good thing to write, what would people want to read? I asked my Names what I should write about. The response was “Write”. I asked my other Deities if They want me to write anything in particular. The answer was to write. So here I am, writing.

I’m starting to explore my family’s past more, and my Akhu (ancestors), and am reminiscing on the death of family members. How their passing marked a new era in my life, or major changes that affected everyone around me, not just me. How their presence, while not gone, snuffed from reality. Our ancestors are never truthfully gone. They are a part of us. Their DNA exists within me, whether through marriage, or by blood, I feel their presence around me. I embrace the warmth of their presence and take hope knowing they are there. Though, I wonder off-handed if I should be doing more for them.  Going to visit their graves more, making more offerings. I hope they are pleased with me and all I am doing.

My first encounter with death was very young. My uncle Tommy passed away when I was around 12, maybe 13, years old. I was kind of frightened of him at the time, he was loud, and different, but he was still fun, and kind. My next encounter was my grandmother Lynda. She passed away quickly  many years after my parents divorced. She was a huge support in my life, and got me into Wrestling  (Old WWE) (big Undertaker fan!). She passed in 2015-2016 ish. I wonder if she’s proud of me.

The next two deaths were close to each other, my Grandmother Marilynn passed away almost 1 year ago (2018) in March. Then my neighbour and family friend Pamela (Pam). She was the first supporter I had when I came out. She suddenly passed after complications in the hospital.

I think as a Western Society, which is what I live in, Death is considered Taboo, and I dislike that. Death is a part of life, death is part of who we are as a core being. We live to pass our knowledge on then pass away. We live so that we may experience the next step of life. We have to find a way to better re-personalize death. Why are we so shy to the concept of spending time with those who have passed away?

I have many questions.

Senebty,

Hakenensenu

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Published by Hakenensenu

Shemsu-Ankh in Kemetic Orthodoxy, a Neokoroi, a Sedir, keeper of Santa Muerte, Master Reiki Practitioner, Chronically Ill, Disabled, and Autistic.

One thought on “Death, wandering thought, and the past.

  1. I like reading about your experiences. I can appreciate the questions about what to write. My deities tell me Just Get Started. What eventually happens may not be anything that is really exciting, but it is important that I do it, for me. If others want to come along for the ride, cool. If not, at least I used my voice and accessed the part which usually stays silent. Keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

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